Today sees the start of this year’s domestic cricket season and Somerset will have to go some if they are going to exceed the enjoyment that they provided the Taunton faithful with last summer. But ever hopeful, I have prepared a list of a dozen things to look out for over the coming six months which, as a Somerset supporter, I’d love to see happen, things that, once they have all been noted and ticked off, will indicate that the club’s 150th anniversary year really has been the greatest in its history.
1. In a desperate attempt to relaunch his range of electric auto-motives, Elon Musk approaches Somerset in the hope of having the CACG renamed the ‘Tesla County Ground’. The request is turned down in favour of a considerably more lucrative offer from Tom Lammonby, the upshot being that his 9/15 Cafe becomes the nation’s favourite chain of coffee shop.
2. Lord Bath offers everyone’s favourite feline the use of his luxury ancestral home as a winter residence. Tourists are soon flocking to his estate hoping to catch a glimpse of the big hearted cat who soon adopts the epithet ‘The Br-ion of Longleat’.
3. Stumpy is made chair of the ECB and secures the future of county cricket by bringing in sweeping changes that lead to all forms of the domestic game being broadcast live on Channel 4. Meanwhile, the Hundred is picked up by U&Yesterday and is watched by nobody in what consequently proves to be its final season.
4. The Somerset Livestream Commentary Team win a BAFTA for their coverage of this year’s gala performance by Somerset’s most well known supporter at the Royal Albert Hall. The show, ‘Tractor sings the Wurzels’, is itself nominated for a Grammy, but narrowly misses out to ‘Louis G and First XI’ after their recording of ‘Blackbird’ tops the UK Charts for a record breaking 26 weeks.
5. Trusted to bring the necessary gravitas to such occasions, Pete Trego, Vic Marks, and Sophie Luff are signed up by the BBC and commissioned to provide commentary on all future events of national significance – commencing with Somerset’s triumphant tour of Taunton (and Nempnett Thrubwell) in an open top bus following their winning of all three domestic competitions.
6. The Somerset Cricket Museum becomes the new custodian of ‘The Ashes’ after being recognised as housing the finest collection of cricketing memorabilia in the known universe. One or two visitors do give the miniature urn a cursory glance before getting down to the far more important business of venerating a bat once wielded by Marcus Trescothick.
7. Opening the attack in the Blast Final, Archie Vaughan and Jack Leach match Brian Langford’s legendary bowling figures when together they bowl eight consecutive maiden overs. The wily pair of spinners also share a total of eight wickets between them, thereby leaving Hampshire with no chance of reaching the 433 required to deprive Somerset of the T20 trophy.
8. With the women’s team matching the success of the men’s, Somerset CCC draws the attention of Donald Trump who, determined to exploit the rich vein of cricketing talent that lies within the county, announces his intention to make Taunton the 83rd U.S. state – the list of territories he claims sovereignty over having grown considerably since the beginning of the season. However, following a snap General Election which saw him made Prime Minister, James Rew meets with the American president and, demonstrating that his hands are just as safe a pair when it comes to running a country as they are when donning the wicket keeping gloves, persuades the erstwhile leader of the so called free world to resign. Millions of people from across the globe, pleased by the republican’s dismissal, celebrate by taking out associate membership for Somerset’s 2026 season and so secure the clubs finances for the next fifty years.
9. As a result of their performances over the summer, Tom Abell and Craig Overton are both awarded the freedom of the city of Taunton, the former county town being granted that status by King Charles who, it emerges, loves Somerset CCC almost as much as a pint of cider and one of the reduced price sausage rolls customarily made available during the final session of a day’s play. A cathedral is subsequently constructed to cope with the influx of pilgrims who come to the ground, on the rapidly revised route of the Camino de Santiago, in order to sit a while in the James Hildreth stand and gaze in ecstasy towards Gimblett’s Hill – a truly transcendent experience in anyone’s book.
10. The ‘Win Predictor’ is added to the ground’s electronic scoreboards which, true to form, subsequently suffer a technical glitch. However, nobody notices because, having got stuck whilst indicating that the chances of a Somerset win was 100%, it turns out that the fans are provided with a highly accurately forecast of the outcome of every game played.
11. Somerset’s infamous detractors on their own social media platforms fall silent, their only complaint being that they have nothing to complain about. One critic does attempt to poor scorn on Sean Dickson’s poor strike rate after he allows the opening ball of the season to pass harmlessly past his off stump, but the keyboard warrior ends up with egg on his face when the aforementioned opening batsman completes a double century in the penultimate over of the morning session.
12. Tom Banton suffers a nasty injury whilst warming up before the second day of a county championship game. He is left temporarily blind, unable to use his left arm, and in urgent need of surgical repair for his fractured neck of femur. Undaunted, he returns the next day, a guide dog acting as his runner, to score a triple century against Surrey, and Somerset end the game with maximum points. The result also makes it mathematically impossible for the uncharacteristically out of form Londoners to avoid relegation.
No prizes for any Somerset fan who spots all twelve, as to do so will, I’m sure you’ll agree, be more than sufficient reward.
So, irrespective of your personal allegiance, here’s wishing everyone a great summer of cricket – be you a player, a member of the support staff, or just a supporter who, like me, dares to believe that this year might just be the one that Somerset fans the world over have all so longed for.
Other cricket related posts:
To read ‘A Spring Watch’, click here
Last seasons’s cricketing blogs:
To read ‘Reasons to be cheerful’, click here
To read ‘First of the Summer Wine’, click here
To read ‘Safe and Sound at the County Ground, Taunton’, click here
To read ‘Is Cricket Amusing Itself to Death’, click here
To read ‘A Purr-fect day at the cricket’, click here
To read ‘Worth Every Penny’, click here
To read ‘The Somerset Cricket Emporium – 2024’, click here
To read ‘One Fine Day’, click here
To read ‘WWFD – what would Freddie do?’, click here
To read ‘A Shady News Story’, click here
To read ‘The Abolition of County Cricket’, click here
Cricketing blogs from 2023:
To read ‘20 Things we have learnt this summer’, click here
To read ‘When rain stops play’, click here
To read ‘Only a game’, click here
To read ‘The Hundred: is cricket amusing itself to death?’, click here
To read ‘The Somerset Cricket Emporium – 2023’, click here
To read ‘for the third time of asking, CRICKET’S COMING HOME…surely’, click here
To read ‘Twas the week of the final’, click here
To read ‘Sharing the important things: on introducing your grandchild to cricket’, click here
To read ‘Somerset v Nottinghamshire T20 Quarter Final 2023’, click here
To read ‘Breaking News’, click here
To read ‘Lewis Calpaldi – Retired Hurt?’, click here
To read ‘Cricket: It’s All About Good Timing’, click here
To read ‘Bazball, Bazchess, Bazlife’, click here
To read ‘Online criticism: it’s just not cricket’, click here
To read ‘Cigarettes, Singles, and Sipping Tea with Ian Botham: Signs of a Well Spent Youth!’, click here
To read ‘A Historic Day’, click here
To read ‘Cricket – through thick and thin’, click here
To read ‘Stumpy: A Legend Reborn’, click here
To read ‘my love is NOT a red, red rose’, click here
Cricketing blogs from previous years:
To read ‘A Cricketing Christmas Carol: A Ghost Story’, click here
To read ‘Scooby Doo and the Mystery of the Deseted Cricket Ground’, click here
To read ‘Brian and Stumpy visit The Repair Shop’, click here
To read ‘A Tale of Two Tons’, click here
To read ‘A Song for Brian’, click here
To read ‘A Somerset Cricket Players Emporium 2022’ click here
To read ‘A Cricket Taunt’, click here
To read ‘A Song for Brian’, click here
To read ‘At Season’s End’, click here
To read ‘A Day at the Cricket’, click here
To read ‘The Great Cricket Sell Off’, click here
To read ‘On passing a village cricket club at dusk one late November afternoon’ click here
To read ‘How the Grinch stole from county cricket…or at least tried to’. click here
To read ‘How Covid-19 stole the the cricket season’, click here
To read ‘A Cricket Tea Kind of a Day’, click here
To read ‘Life in the slow lane’, click here
To read ‘Frodo and the Format of Power’, click here
To read ‘If Only’, click here
To read ‘I’ve got a little CRICKET list’, click here
To read ‘Eve of the RLODC limericks’ click here
To read ‘It’s coming home…’, click here
To read ‘A Song for Ben Green’, click here
To read ‘Enough Said…’, the last section of which is cricket related, click here
A Jack Leach Trilogy:
To read ‘For when we can’t see why’, click here
To read ‘WWJD – What would Jack Do?’, click here
To read ‘On Playing a Blinder’, click here
To read ‘Coping with Disappointment’, click here
And to finish – a couple with a theological flavour
To read ‘Somerset CCC – Good for the soul’, click here
To read ‘Longing for the pavilion whilst enjoying a good innings’, click here
Some musings 