I am a type of doctor one who majors in the general,

I have a working knowledge of those matters anatomical,

I deal with illness physical, and problems psychological,

And try to make suggestions that aren’t only pharmaceutical.


Each day at work I undertake, a range of consultat-i-ons,

And lately have become one skilled, in giving vaccinat-i-ons,

I’m always on the look out for, hern-i-al strangulat-i-ons,

Whilst still exploring all ideas, concerns, and expectat-i-ons.


I’m competent if called upon, to tackle venesect-i-ons,

And know just what I am to do with urinary infect-i-ons,

I know the interval between all those B12 inject-i-ons,

And for appraisal purposes, I note down all re-flect-i-ons.


I know that those who vomit blood will contact me annoyedly,

And so I give a PPI with all drugs non-steroidal-y,

And those who come to me who have been bleeding haemorrhoidally,

I duly send them for a scope, exploring them sigmoidally.


I love to sit with patients both the shy and the loq-ua-ci-ous,

And listen to their stories which, are sometimes quite sal-a-ci-ous,

But nothing brings me greater joy than when I’m effi-ca-ci-ous,

At, with a little xylocaine, removing cysts seba-ce-ous.


In truth those houseman days of old, were like a fire baptis-i-mal,

But now my days in medicine are not so very dis-i-mal,

There are of course those things at which I’d truly be abys-i-mal,

E.g. repairing pulsatile aortas aneurys-i-mal.


After W.S. Gilbert and Arthur’s Sullivan

A musical rendition of this song, performed by Lenny the Lion, can be found on my Facebook page on April 30th 2022.

To read, ‘I’ve got a little list’, click here

Published by peteraird134510580

Nothing particularly interesting to say other than I'm a GP with an interest in emotional well-being, an avid Somerset County Cricket Club supporter and a poor example of a Christian who likes to put finger to keyboard from time to time and who is foolish enough to think that someone out there may be interested enough to read what I've written. Some of these blogs have grown over time and some portions of earlier blogs reappear in slightly different forms in later blogs. Apologies for the repetition. What I have posted today (6th August 2018) consists of what I have written over the last few years - whether I write anything ever again, only time will tell.


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