‘TWAS THE NHS WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS – 2022

‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the land,
People got poorly in ways they’d not planned,
With hospital doctors and GPs not liking,
How sharply their rates of consulting were spiking.

An ambulance called for? – it might not attend,
Cos sometimes there wasn’t one free they could send,
So frustrated managers tore out their hair,
Trying to manage what’s no longer there.

The folk sick in casualty, now had to face,
Long waits, as wards, tried to find them a space,
Cos ‘bed-blocking’ patients could not go home yet,
Said services social, ‘Their needs can’t be met!’

To find penicillin, the pharmacies tried,
(As those in high places a shortage denied),
And those referred urgently often weren’t seen,
In two week wait windows they once would have been.

And nobody working in the NHS,
Could ever remember a time of such stress,
No wonder then many said, shedding a tear,
‘I’m a health care provider – get me out of here’

Still medical centres were all hard at work,
And phones in reception were going berserk,
With calls to be taken from those indicating,
The hue of what they had been expectorating.

With seasonal sickness at an all time high,
No wonder some duty docs started to cry,
As calls kept on coming, they looked with alarm,
And wondered just how they would cope with demand.

As EVERYONE contacted their health care providers,
Knowing that they were the licensed prescribers,
To getting appointments they showed dedication,
‘Twas simply a must to have right medication.

The clinical leads, they checked protocols twice,
(Ensuring compliance with guidance from NICE)
Relaying their learning to practice clinicians,
On management options for Christmas conditions.

There’s a tablet for when you’re deficient in joy,
A tablet for when you’re not given that toy,
A tablet to counter the courage that’s Dutch,
A tablet for when you have eaten too much,

A tablet to keep you awake for the King,
A tablet that makes you believe you can sing,
A tablet for all of the stress of the crackers,
A tablet to give to the washing up slackers,

Whilst sitting on sofas and watching TV,
And longing for chocolates that hang on the tree,
By taking these tablets, nobody need fear,
You’re sure to stay healthy right through to New Year,

On Codeine, on Senna, on Brufen, on Zantac
On Statin, on Zoton, on Calpol, on Prozac,
And so that the cooking, guilt free you can shirk,
There’s a note can be given, to say you can’t work.

The Medicine Management Advisor’s away,
I don’t think he’s working on this Christmas Day,
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT.


Other posts related to Christmas:

To read ‘The Scrooge Chronicles’, click here

To read ‘Paddington and the Ailing Elderly Relative’, click here

To read ‘How the Grinch and Covid stole General Practices Christmas’, click here

To read ‘A Merry and Resilient Christmas – a personal view’, click here

2 responses to “‘TWAS THE NHS WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS – 2022”

  1. As one person said to who had read this piece “it’s brilliant!” and I heartily concur! Our wordsmith at his best along with the recent Advent contributions, a quite amazing first class weaving of theology and critique of todays home and medical world! Blessings and thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Almost perfect. Forgot to mention there’s no pharmacists because they don’t invest in winter tyres.

    Liked by 1 person

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