Once upon a time, not so very long ago, in a town close to where you now make your home, there lived a family doctor called Jeepy Leepy. Every day he went to the local medical centre where he worked hard, for long hours, doing his best to care for the sick who came to him for help.
Over time Jeepy Leepy’s workload steadily increased and eventually it reached the point where it was unsafe to try to do all that was being asked of him. But still his workload grew busier and busier until the day inevitably came when he had over a hundred contacts with patients, all of whom were seeking urgent medical advice or treatment. Some needed drugs that the pharmacy could not supply. Some needed a specialist opinion but were told it would be a year before an outpatient appointment could be offered. And some needed an ambulance but found that, even in an emergency, there wasn’t one that was available.
Concerned, too, that, with GP numbers in decline and patient demand outstripping GP capacity, his patients were having to face increasingly long waits before they could see him, Jeepy Leepy knew what was all too obvious to anyone who cared enough to notice – the NHS was falling down. And so, on his next day off, Jeepy Leepy decided to go and tell the Queen. He picked up his medical bag, hung his stethoscope around his neck and set off for London. Most of his patients agreed with Jeepy Leepy’s grave assessment on the state of the nations healthcare system and, sympathetic to his cause, cheered him on his way.
But Jeepy Leepy had only travelled a few hundred yards when he met Covid Lovid. ‘Where are you going?’ asked Covid Lovid. ‘Oh Covid Lovid’, said Jeepy Leepy, ‘The NHS is falling down and I’m off to tell the Queen’. But Covid Lovid laughed at Jeepy Leepy and told him that, because two of his partners had gone down with a new continuous cough, Jeepy Leepy would have to forgo his time off, return to the practice and spend the day working there instead.
Two weeks later, his colleagues having now returned to work, Jeepy Leepy set off again. But before very long he met Entitled Lentitled. ‘Where are you going?’, asked Entitled Lentitled. ‘Oh Entitled Lentitled’, said Jeepy Leepy, ‘The NHS is falling down and I’m off to tell the Queen’. But Entitled Lentitled laughed at Jeepy Leepy and, claiming he knew his rights, demanded that Jeepy Leepy see him immediately about his urgent need for a letter requesting the provision of softer cushions at his place of work.
The patient dealt with, Jeepy Leepy set off again. On the way he met Expert Lexpert coming out of an ivory tower. ‘Where are you going?’, asked Expert Lexpert. ‘Oh Expert Lexpert’, said Jeepy Leepy, ‘The NHS is falling down and I’m off to tell the Queen’. But Expert Lexpert laughed at Jeepy Leepy and insisted that Jeepy Leepy carry out an urgent review of all patients taking both flucloxacillin and paracetamol due to their increased risk of developing high anion gap metabolic acidosis.
The review undertaken, Jeepy Leepy carried on his way. Next he met Journo Lerno. ‘Where are you going?’, asked Journo Lerno. ‘Oh Journo Lerno’, said Jeepy Leepy, ‘The NHS is falling down and I’m off to tell the Queen’. But Journo Lerno laughed at Jeepy Leepy and wrote a story in his newspaper that was full of lies and which implied that Jeepy Leepy was overpaid and lazy.
Hurt though he was by the report, Jeepy Leepy carried on his way. Next he met Seekewsy Leekewsy. ‘Where are you going?’ asked Seekewsy Leekewsy. ‘Oh Seekewsy Leekewsy’, said Jeepy Leepy, ‘The NHS is falling down and I’m off to tell the Queen’. But Seekewsy Leekewsy laughed at Jeepy Leepy and told Jeepy Leepy that he was required to put in place a protocol for the safe storage of paper clips and develop an emergency plan detailing how he would respond if ever an acorn were to land on the medical centre’s roof.
The documents written, Jeepy Leepy carried on his way. Next he met Empee Lempee. ‘Where are you going?’, asked Empee Lempee. ‘Oh Empee Lempee’, said Jeepy Leepy, ‘The NHS is falling down and I’m off to tell the Queen’. But Empee Lempee laughed at Jeepy Leepy and by regurgitating a load of meaningless sound bites tried to convince Jeepy Leepy that the NHS really was safe in his party’s hands.
Far from reassured, Jeepy Leepy continued on his way. Next he met Healthsec Lealthsec. ‘Where are you going?’ asked Healthsec Lealthsec. ‘Oh Healthsec Lealthsec’, said Jeepy Leepy, ‘The NHS is falling down and I’m off to tell the Queen’. But Healthsec Lealthsec laughed at Jeepy Leepy and introduced a law that said that Jeepy Leepy had to work for even longer hours and for additional days in the week.
At which point Jeepy Leepy put down his medical bag, removed the stethoscope from around his neck and sat down on the side of the road. He could no longer go on.
And so the NHS fell a little further. And it kept on falling until, one day, inevitably, it collapsed completely.
And no one lived happily ever after.
THE END.
Other GP based stories:
To read ‘The Three Little GPs and the Big Bad Secretary of State for Health’, click here
To read ‘Mr Benn – the GP’, click here
To read ‘A GP called Paddington’, click here
To read ‘Bagpuss and the NHS’, click here
To read ‘Dr Wordle and the Mystery Diagnosis’, click here
To read ‘The Happy Practice – A Cautionary Tale’, click here
To read ‘The Scrooge Chronicles’, click here
To read ‘Jeeves and the Hormone Deficiency’, click here
To read ‘General Practices are Go!’, click here
To read ‘A Mission Impossible’, click here
To read ‘A Grimm Tale’, click here
To read ‘The General Practitioner – Endangered’, click here
Related posts:
To read ‘The Repair Shop’, click here
To read ‘The State Of Disrepair Shop’, click here
To read ‘The NHS – the “S’” is for “Service”, not “Slave”’, click here
To read ‘On Being Overwhelmed’ click here
To read ‘Health – it’ll be the death of us. Is there institutional arrogance in the NHS?’, click here
To read ‘On keeping what we dare not lose’, click here
To read ‘Blaming it on the Boogie’, click here
To read ‘On being crazy busy – a ticklish problem’, click here
To read ‘Too busy to be happy’, click here
To read ‘The Abolition of General Practice’, click here
To read ‘Somewhere over the Rainbow’, click here
To read ‘When the Jokes on You’, click here
To read ‘Professor Ian Aird’ – A Time to Die?’, click here
Some musings 
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