A CRICKET TAUNT

Recently I came into possession of the following, a transcript of the now legendary conversation that took place a couple of years ago at the CACG, the spiritual home of Somerset CCC that is known by some as ‘Fortress Taunton’. The shouted interchange was between the then Chair of the ECB [CE] and an unknown Somerset supporter [SS] positioned high above him in the upper tier of the Marcus Trescothick Pavilion.

As well as revealing the woefully inadequate consultation that took place between the ECB and the ordinary cricket supporter before the inception of ‘The Hundred’, it may also give some credence to the 3452 conspiracy theories that currently exist alleging that the ECB is making concerted efforts to bring about the demise of the county game in general and Somerset CCC in particular.

CE: Hello!…Hello!

SS: Alright me’luvver? Who be you?

CE: It is I, the chair of the ECB, and these are the members of my committee. We are on a sacred mission. Will you ask the chair of your club to join us in promoting a new short game format of the game we call cricket?

SS: Well, I’ll ask ‘ee, but I don’t think ee’ll loike it. Uh, ‘ee’s already got one, you see?

CE: What? You say you’ve already got one? Are you sure?

SS: Oh, yes, it’s gurt lush!

CE: Oh you mean T20. Well, um, will you join us in developing a meaningless second competition?

SS: Of course not! Coz we ain’t money grabbing city types with no interest in county cricket.

CE: Well, what are you then?

SS: Ooo Aah! We be grassroots Zummerset supporters. Why do think we have this outrageous West Country accent, you silly chair person!

CE: If you will not support this new one hundred ball franchise competition we will simply impose it on you. Then we will prevent all your best players from taking part in the much loved 50 over format of the game which we will downgrade to a development competition. And finally, in time, we will replace all county cricket clubs with city based franchised teams and Somerset CCC will be no more. (He gives an evil laugh)

SS: Ark at ‘ee! You don’t frighten us, you grockle you! G’woam and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person. I spill my Thatchers on you, so-called ECB chair, you and all your silly financial profit-teeeeers. Thppppt!

CE: Now look here, my good man!

SS: I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper!…… I toss my pitchfork in your general direction! Your mother was a Gloucestershire supporter and your father smelt of silage!

CE: Is there someone else up there we could talk to?

SS: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!

CE: Now, this is your last chance. I’ve been more than reasonable.

SS: (to fellow supporter) Fetch the venerable Stumpy!

Stumpy is summoned to the pavilion and uncharacteristically throws himself down on the gathered ECB committee members who, though chastened, remain undaunted and return to London to continue to work out their nefarious plans for the dumbing down of the summer game.

[With apologies to life long Somerset supporter John Cleese and all the other members of Monty Python]

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Other ‘The Hundred’ Related Blogs:

To read ‘The Somerset Cricket Players Emporium’ click here

To read ‘Brian and Stumpy visit The Repair Shop’, click here

To read ‘A Tale of Two Tons’, click here

To read ‘A Cricket Taunt’, click here

To read ‘Scooby Doo and the Mystery of the Deseted Cricket Ground’, click here

To read ‘A Cricketing Christmas Carol’, click here

To read ‘The Great Cricket Sell Off’, click here

To read ‘How the Grinch stole from county cricket…or at least tried to’. click here

To read ‘Frodo and the Format of Power’, click here

Other cricket related blogs:

To read ‘At Season’s End’, click here

To read ‘On passing a village cricket club at dusk one late November afternoon’ click here

To read ‘A Song for Brian’, click here

To read ‘I’ve got a little CRICKET list’, click here

To read ‘My love is not a red, red rose , click here

To read ‘Stumpy – a legend reborn’, click here

To read ‘A Cricket Tea Kind of a Day’, click here

To read ‘A Day at the Cricket’, click here

To read ‘Cricket – through thick and thin’ click here

To read ‘How Covid-19 stole the the cricket season’, click here

To read ‘Life in the slow lane’, click here

To read ‘If Only’, click here

To read ‘Eve of the RLODC limericks’ click here

To read ‘It’s coming home…’, click here

To read ‘A Song for Ben Green’, click here

To read ‘Coping with Disappointment’, click here

To read ‘Enough Said…’, the last section of which is cricket related, click here

A Jack Leach Trilogy:

To read ‘For when we can’t see why’, click here

To read ‘WWJD – What would Jack Do?’, click here

To read ‘On Playing a Blinder’, click here

And to finish – a couple with a theological flavour

To read ‘Somerset CCC – Good for the soul’, click here

To read ‘Longing for the pavilion whilst enjoying a good innings’, click here