THE WILD GP

I’ve been a GP now for many a year
To all the NICE guidelines I’ve tried to adhere
But I’ve no idea why the CQC thinks
That urine samples can’t be poured down our sinks.

And it’s no, nay, never
No, nay never no more
Will I play the wild GP
No never no more

East Quay is a practice in Bridgwater town
The patients are lovely, the river is brown
At EQMC we all work as a team
And everyone’s awesome except for Doreen*

And it’s no, nay, never
No, nay never no more
Will I play the wild GP
No never no more

Each day you will find us we’re all hard at work
The phones in reception are going berserk
The patients who ring in then all indicate
The hue of the phlegm that they expectorate

And it’s no, nay, never
No, nay never no more
Will I play the wild GP
No never no more

These days of pandemic have made us all sad
But not everything at the practice is bad
The one very good thing ‘bout Covid 19
Is now our door handles are shiny and clean

And it’s no, nay, never
No, nay never no more
Will I play the wild GP
No never no more

We all wear our masks and our gloves of bright blue
My glasses mist over obscuring my view
But please do not worry, though blind I’ll not stop
I’ll still somehow muddle through your minor op

And it’s no, nay, never
No, nay never no more
Will I play the wild GP
No never no more

When busy on call days make stress levels rise
To drink too much coffee is really not wise
For there’s every chance when one’s bladder is full
There won’t be the time to answer nature’s call

And it’s no, nay, never
No, nay never no more
Will I play the wild GP
No never no more

On duty doc days though we’re jolly and bright
We’re cheery, and smiley, we’re just a delight
We grin and we laugh and we’re happy and gay
But that’s only when it’s the end of the day

And it’s no, nay, never
No, nay never no more
Will I play the wild GP
No never no more

And it’s no, nay, never
No, nay never no more
Will I play the wild GP
No never no more

*With apologies to ‘The Dubliners’…and Doreen who, though I wouldn’t want her to hear me say so, is actually awful awesome too!

The picture above is a photo of Luke Kelly one of the founding members of The Dubliners.

An audio version of this song can be found here:

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For more song adaptations and woeful attempts at poetry, all with a GP flavour, please follow the links below:

To read ‘A Hard Year For us All’, click here

To read ‘Baggy White Coats’, click here

To read ‘What a wonderful job this can be’, click here

To read ‘I am the very model of a General Practitioner’, click here

To read ‘I’ve got a little list’, click here

To read ‘On Call Days and Mondays’, click here

To read ‘My Least Favourite Things’, click here

To read ‘My Most Favourite Things’, click here

To read ‘Yesteryear’, click here

To read ‘GPs – Do You Remember?’, click here

To read ‘If’, click here

To read ‘Spare me a doctor’, click here

To read ‘I knew a Man’, click here

To read ‘Room Enough’, click here

To read ‘Old Hands’, click here

To read ‘Summertime’, click here

To read ‘GP Kicks’, click here

To read ‘How the grinch and Covid-19 stole General Practice’s Christmas’, click here

To read ‘’Twas the week bedore Christmas – 2020’, click here